Monday, September 19, 2011

Abduction VIP Fan Experience in Las Vegas 9/15/11***SPOILERS***SCENE BY SCENE COMMENTS***

Stayed at a new casino and after a rocky start with them including the valet learning my name without having to ask, the night finally was a wonderful experience. Wine & margarita at nice resturant then to the Orleans casino where I made friends and showed off my Eclipse script, autographs and storyboards. Found a spare and obtained three gift bags. Met Screech from Saved by the Bell, he sighed my bags & made a joke out of it!

So as you know I went to Vegas to see the premiere of Abduction, I know your anxiously waiting to hear all about it!
I spent $200 on a hotel, gas and food. Took off 8 hours from work and this movie could have worked if it had put in a little more effort to be a blockbuster like the commercials.

Let me start off by saying the acting was fine. I think the script needed more work. I can picture Taylor thinking he was back to Shark boy and Lava girl dialogue!! Visually it was kind of boring. It seemed like it was there were only a few camera angles, which would be fine for a character driven story like say 50/50 and The Help. This is advertised as the next Borne, it fells like the next Air bender: The Last Avatar.

I can hear you now saying, "It's the editing" I think I'm beginning to see what you mean. From the simple editing I have done to my own personal videos and all the behind the scenes stuff from Chris Weitz in New Moon; I can pick out the places were they clearly were the scenes were hacked together. The lines were cheesey, predictable and character interactions seemed force. I wanted to say to them what you have said to me so many times.. "Slow down and pretend I don't know what you're talking about."

**************Major Spoiler Alert**********************
"Clifford" (the big red dog) version of the movie-

(Evil Fairies have taken over the imdb page as you have to click "Full Cast" to see that Taylor Lautner, Lily Collins, Sigourney, Weaver, Jason Isaacs and Alfred Molina are even in the movie as they are way down on the list.--- I already forgot I was channeling you.. I meant to say "You'd have to click on the full cast to see that 'Jacob Black, Uni-brow girl, Ripley, Malfoy's Dad, and Dr. Octo' were even in the movie.")

*Open* Taylor "Nathan" being a very bad boy very early in the morning.
(That's normal for a teen boy right? that excited, active and alert AWAKE before school started )

-Action- Truck "surfing: ending with a lovely nose dive into the dirt making a grand entrance. -Scene-School- Boy sees girl. Freezes cant talk to girl. Gaggle of girls giggle off down the hall while side kick and token black kid "Gilly" mocks Nathan.
(token black friend who can come an go when needed using his black power to be invisible to the Germans tracking Tay-Tay later but I digress. -played by Denzel relation to Denzel or Forest Whitaker but good name to get cast by the 'confusion')

"Nathan is 'Wrestler' but never wears the head gear that 'garp' wore -the giant onesie they wear in High School wrestling.
(Tay-Tay probably had it in his messing the hair after seeing what they did to Rpatz filming Cosmopolitan)
So he's a good looking athletic boy who plays dangerous pre-school game, can beat up other boys yet can't talk to girls. (you see me rolling my eyes. righttttttt?)

-scene- later that night Nathan in an attempt to impress the "ladies" gets drunk- ending stripped down to his undies face-down again in the dirt. His Faux Dad 'Lucius Malfoy' finds him and kicks his ass. (Believable right?) 'Malfoy's" excuse for the said ass kicking was "Teaching him boxing" Minor pukes then does some ninja moves on Malfoy and Faux Mom breaks it up.

-scene- next day- Nathan has a Hugfest with his Psy Counselor Ripley (Clearly they are having an affair someone should call CPS) He has to meet with her to"talk" out his rage issues-even though we've never see him swat a fly? But Malfoy kicking his ass I mean teaching him boxing. Anyway....

-scene- Next next day- 'uni-brow' girl still ignoring Nathan -sad-but-cool teacher saves the day by making him partner with uni-brow in a "project" (imitate lustful teen boy)

-scene-later that evening Uni-brow- who he cannot speak to at school-drops by house for homework time.(in the age of iphone, kids still do that?)
Boy cleans and preens...yes preens and does a macho stance in room that girl ignores and mocks his video game. (clearly she's gay or in love with a vampire)

(movie taunts you with it's 'need to know' attitude. Have any questions? 'You don't need to know' pfft movie 'watchers' are not in the loop')

Any who-Nat & bushy brow, finally get down to the project.

"Que Climax Music" (Cue product placement of 6 grand Apple computer)

The "project" all on websites, humanities of some sorta -As Bella, er I mean Bushy Brow- surfs the web for missing kid websites. Mocks Nat with -this kid looks like you only wayyyy cuterhas better nose.- Uni-brow leaves after some shoulder flirting action making sure she had crushed his soul.

Nat left alone to ponder nose sizes,- age progresses the photo - "Que Climax Music"
Its him only with a better nose... Or shark boy! (Home Alone face smack)

-action- because he can.. Nat does a great wheelie backwards action on rolliechair.

-scene- Returning to 6 grand apple -Nat zooms in, finds stain on kids shirt, digs threw garage finds his baby shirt with same stain and takes this 'Evidence' to uni-brow.
(Didn't he previously have issues even speaking to this girl?)

Uni-brow agrees OMG a kids shirt with a stain! This is all the evidence we need.. but they click on website to say they might have seen this kid.
(Until this day Nat never questions his dark skin and hair.. momma's baby Malfoy's dad maybe?)

"Que Climax Music" This one little click goes to some uber secret grandmas basement thing full of computers that have been waiting 14 yrs or more for this one click to happen. Alarms go off. Hacker dude comes in from bathroom or wherever he was to notify someone creepy and silent on a cell phone "There is a hit" Everyone scrambles, plane tickets are bought. Strike teams assemble.(Seal team 6 load up for Bin Laden)

-scene- Meanwhile back at the fabulous house- Poor Nat is in tears. (he was reading the script) Faux Mom (Noah's girlfriend from Hero's) comes into his bedroom where he has all the evidence spread out on the bed. "Are you my mom?" ....Yes!..... Lier!..... But!....... Go away!........ Ill get your dad."- does she get the dad, no she just stands in the living room crying like a fool while the bad guys ring the doorbell.-(Avon, Jehovah witness, Mormon, Siding Salesman, Kirby? Unknown Guys here to Kill you?)

-Action- Bushy brow calls. Nat says Mom just "confessed"-they are not my parents- OMG I'm coming over. - Use backdoor-cause the bad guys are at front door.

-Action- Bad guys enter. Mom kicks ass but is not bullet proof- Dad finally takes off some headgear in the garage and hears guns....comes in to NOT save the day but die too.
(pretty much as useful as Malfoy's dad)

-Action- Girl sees parents die.-OMG- do these people not own curtains?

-Action- Nat climbs out window runs away - OMG -forgot bushy brow! Runs back to dead parents Finds man holding a gun to those eyebrows. Nat kicks ass (inside he mocks his dead Faux Dad for falling so quickly)- brows helps out by providing tools.

-Best Moment of Movie- Emotional one done soooooo nice. Hats off to director/writers for this scene. I liked it. No words are spoken but eyebrow does good even with all the bs she just seen.
-scene- bad guy about to croak but -Omg -there is a bomb in stove- so what does Nat do, stop killing bad guy and goes to look in stove......(really, two dead parents and dude says bomb and your gonna go look?)- Anyway the pool saved the day but the house is a total loss claim for Allstate.(good luck filing that claim).

-scene- Brows gets a boo-boo on her shoulder. Nat varuooms her to the hospital on motorcycle. (NO Helmets- brows must have a hair clause in her contract too)

-scene- hospital- Bushy Brow getting shoulder stitched, Nat calls 911.
(cause there is NEVER any police at hospitals)

"Que suspenseful music"

-scene CIA or Nazi phone bank- Voice recognition software reroutes call to CIA? Yeah their the good guys right....... "Stay where you are we will be there to get you" (we'll consider this call all the evidence we need that you killed both your parents and blew up your house! Clearly your a terrorist look at your nose!)
"Que Balloons" wait...balloons? yes, Riley- special secret spy agent- posing as a high school Counselor- uses balloons. Well you do now.

-scene- Ripley's SUV- Riley laughs at them, tells him where to go and who to talk to.then throws them out in the swamp to fend for themselves while she and the SUV cause a distraction by blowing up in a mighty explosion.
(Must have had enough to his nose and her uni-brow)

-scene- swamp at night (Ed and Bella aren't this mushy in their meadow) *Sniffle sniffle* Brows: "Oh Taylor, uhm Nat, you cry in your sleep" He tries to explain. Brows interrupts "you don't have to explain to me". ( would have been better just to shush the boy up and kiss away a tear and keep your mouth shut but I wasn't the director on this scene.)

-scene- next morning Brows stays with Nat instead of going home to her comfy bed- to hitchhike to where Ripley said was a safe zone. Brow baths. Jacob Black sniffs things like he is in the pack again and looks like Sullen-Cullen for some time. Finds cell, cash and passports....Oh and dead Real moms address. Finds Carlisle car keys.

-scene- cemetery Moms Gravestone. Nice scene.. (totally believable teen boy goes to mourn dead mom he only just found out about but leaves charred remains of the woman who raised him without a look back.)

When the kids get up from their camp ing trip in the swamp, they walk out onto a road and flag down a truck driver who agrees to drive them to another state.....lets not discuss the child trafficing or other federal charges seen in this scene.

So kids get to this appartment so ta can do his sniffing

Girl uses cell phone that ta finds with cash to call her uncle since heer parents are in europe,,,, tell him she alive.......didn't they learn anything from er phone call? Que voice recon, cia on line saying stay there brow we are coming and she stays on the line a painfully long time questioning tbe cia, how do you know my name bla bla......

Ta finally shuts cell and they take a drive in carlise car to grave site.

At grave the Last thing noted at plot and ta didn't even appear to smell them is there are fresh flowers ther. Brows gets idea. She flirts with fat dumb kid at reception desk of funeral home.....yeah he isn't in school or anything......flirting gets her a name and address of next place to go but the computer look up alerts grandmas basement german s to there local. 
Scramble swat team
Meanwhile ta calls side kick who brings them three different states fake id each while he complains about being searched, investigated and harrassed by bad guys.....this gives tbe scrambled swat team time to show up.
Ta and brow hop a train. For get private car. Hogwarts time.

Bad guy hops on train. Waits for makeout session to be over before making his move. Acrually brow goes from sucking ta face to, I'm hungry in a blink of eye. Shr leaves private car to get food, bad guy finds her with food walking back to Ta what does this smart bad guy do......he grabs girl to harrass her to find out which cabin Ta is in.??? Really girl was on her way back still licking the Ta off her lips ,,,,, all dude had to do was follow her.
.....stupid scene....

Bad guy has girl, drags her into empty car fyi,,,, they all appear empty on this train. °he beats girl and treatens to cut off heer fingers if she doesn't tell him which car ta is in. meanwhile Ta gets worried about brow goes looking. Bad guy makes it to his car but ots empty....snorts.....ta comes back notice someone has been in his compartment..... Bad guy appears....he looks alot like madeye btw. Old fat pockmarkrd badguy. Fight scene. Ta getting ass beat has flashbacks to fake dad beating his ass finally does some well his one reusedninja kick and kicks madeyes ass. As brow breaks free of badguys bad rope job she find Ta dumping madeye off the train threw window.....during fight ta breaks threw walls making his cabin much train crew or non extant passangers hear anything......snorts

Man overboard. Train stops. Kids hop off. Run threw woods. Cia finally catches up with kids and drags then out of woods for a believable burger and shake in an empty resturant/town.
Then cia men posted all around the burger nibblers well browgoes after the burger like she did ta face.

Cia guy tries to talk to ta while brow gets first aide, tells ta his real dad is ubber cool cia agent deep undercover agent with a list of numbers he needs. (they are in tbe cell phone Ta has) cia clueless. Meanwhile outside cia is down to there last of the ten agents cause the rest have been snippered.....before alert! Get down. ....ta and brow escape rear since bad guys who just took down 10 cia agents don't cover rear exits........2 cia agents the one fat white guy who intercept phone calls and his black female assistant play oppossum and kill some bad guys while they escape...funny scene

While escaping the cell phone that ta has this whole time goes off....rissin sting looking guy. Threatens brow parents who are gona fly back in town soon.Ta deciding he doesn't need cia help....I'm a man moment ....calls his black highscool bud for help.

Ta agrees to meet bad guy to give him list at a picsburg pirates baseball game......

Ta is so thoughtful he leaves the bad guys tickets to get into tbe game......
Snorts.......the bad guys actually hang out in front of stadium with a what do we do now boss while waiting on ta to call telling them where tickets are.....meanwhile director is filming up shots of Ta making him look large and in charge......lololollll

Bad guys get into game split up...find the boy! In this sea of pirates!

Ta and main sting looking bad guy sit down for a heart to heart. Ta has gun under seat....fingets it but lets go when guy gets to story telling about how he killed his real mom, ta was a baby and watched his mom die from gass exposure dude put into their room abd some well aimed blows to tbe head.....Take even as a baby was smart ...he hid under moms bed and he found a gas mask and held it to his own face while mom died....... I have noooo words for how stupid this is.........

Bad guy says what a bad bad guy he 
Was for not checking under the bed since there was no other signs in the room a baby was there. No diaper bag, passys, bottles, no crib,,,,, midget clothing ...nothing ...

Ta goes for the gun under chair after storytine over and o.0 it's not there! Really. .. 

Ta runs off, plays cat and mouse with bad guys till real dad calls saying I'm hete to save tbe day! Ta . ...I don't need had 15 yrs to save me but never trust me.....ta okay

Dad lead bad guy out south exit , il take care of this 

Ta does his one strory disappointing no falling glass slide down to ground level exit of stadium ooops twists ankle lolol hobbles out exit with gun welding bad guy chaising.. . Daddy save the pathetic injured boy scene.....snipper bullet in head.... 

Cia fat boy arrives wants pjone with list another cia higher ranking takes bad cia and phone away....leaves boy alone in parking lot. Daddy calls. I fixed it, no one is gona bug you go back home, file the all state claim.

Ta I want to see, no....tawhy. It's complicated...hangup disappears as Ta gets a glimps.

que the good dr. hug lady. Come live with me while you finish highscool horrid awkward moment....ta okay but not yet....grabs brow hobbles off with her to sit in empty stadium......

They have a very forced chat in stadium seats about how one summer the two made out like rabbits and when school started ta ignored her, brow wanted to make sure she want gona get treated like that, again when school started back on monday. Ta said the reason he did that was 
"that he hadn't been ready for her." Ready who write this script?! Slap them and fire them....end of movie......... Dr new mom and black side kick have tea no they jusy hang out awalkawdly in parking lot while brow sets the ground rules in empty stadium.......

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